Originally, when I started posting on this blog, my walk on the Camino was the starting point and how it was so much like my journey of life.
Since then I have expanded on different happenings in my life without going into how those conclusions were arrived at. My last post entitled “Family Man” was much more transparent of my life experiences.
I did not post it.
I have been blessed in my life to have had two very strong ladies, my late wife Norma and my present wife Sandra. Both, have had no problem telling me what they think, regardless if it is what I want to hear or not.
I normally read what I have written to my wife. When I read what was to be my next posting to Sandra,
She said, “I don’t think you should post that, it is too personal.”
She also said, “If you were writing a book, that would be more appropriate.”
This brought to mind a book I self-published over a decade ago. The book was entitled the “The Happy Heretic.” While writing that book, I would read it to Norma, she gave me her thoughts on what I was writing, regardless if I was in agreement to what she said. I respected that input.
There was only one area that she did not agree with, the title of the book.
She said, “You are not a heretic.”
I would say “But I’m happy.”
She would say, “Anyone you want to read that book, are not going to, heretic is going to have preeminence over happy.”
She was right.
When Sandra said, “if you were to put, what was to be my next post, in a book, it would be more appropriate.”
The last paragraph of “The Happy Heretic” came to mind.
“However, I’m still on that journey, and only God knows where it is going to lead. I understand where I’m told by God.
“If you understand all mysteries and all knowledge and have a faith that can move mountains and have not LOVE you have nothing.
LOVE is not relative, is is absolute.
For me that LOVE has not been manifested yet.
So the journey continues.”
Since that point, I have had to face and deal with death, not my own, but my wife of forty-seven years, it was very personal.
Two years later, I met Sandra, who is now my wife. I get her thoughts on what I write, regardless if I like it or not, she will tell me what she thinks.
I just read this part to Sandra.
She said, who are the three Amigos?
Norma, me and yourself.
I said, “no, this journey is my journey of life.”
You and Norma have been a part of it, but the central character is myself.
The three amigos are central to me, they are, “I,” “Me,” and “You,” neither have anything to do with anyone other than me.
I will title this book that I am about to write “One man’s search for LOVE.”
Now, back to my posting.
The First Amigo. “I”
That is not me, that is who I think I am.
Unless, you move to lateral thinking, explained in previous posts in respect to my journey of life. You will not understand what will be written about the three amigos.
For a good part of my life I always saw myself as, just that, “I” singular.
As I got older, after some of life’s headaches and heartaches and life’s experiences, it seemed to me that life was more complex than I realized. Some days there were more complexities than others.
There were good days as well.
As I grew older, and with life’s ups and downs, my desire to understand or know what was my purpose in life was, became more acute.
Much of that aspect in one way or another has been dealt with in previous posts, my searching and the results.
With my responsibility as caregiver to Norma, gradually “I” had to stand back.
My desire was to allow her the opportunity to be a complete person, even though she was confined to a wheelchair.
You may have heard, “We can be our best friend, or our worst enemy.”
It became more and more apparent to me that “I” was my worst enemy.
I was selfish, self-centered, greedy, selective, judgemental. I did not think I was, because I would go out of my way to try and prove that I wasn’t any of those things.
I began to realize I was blind to myself. When I was speaking, it was mostly to myself, not the person I was speaking with. What I saw in others, I was actually seeing in myself. That became a way for me to see who I actually was.
Thankfully, that was, as I said, not who I was, but who I thought I was.
Then, Who am I?
The Second Amigo.”YOU”
Whenever and whoever I spoke with, my greeting would always be, “How are YOU?
I thought of myself as “I” and any other person would always be addressed as “YOU,” that thought lingered with me, until one day talking with a friend, we began to discuss that topic.
I said to him when I address you, your wife or my wife I always address as “YOU.” Myself, I always consider “I,” this separates me from you. I stand by myself.
If “I” could change to “YOU,” it would mean me embracing all three, the four of us could see ourselves as you.
He said, how about if we saw ourselves as I, that would change things.
I said, No, my ability to embrace you would not change. My responsibility is not to change or try and change anyone. My responsibility is for me, to change to You.
My friend says, “How would that change take place?” “I is still the primary controller, so nothing changes.”
I said, “Suppose my inner self, “YOU” is more powerful or stronger than I, it could be accomplished.”
He says, “How is that going to be accomplished?”
I said, “By Choice.” It requires me to make a choice between “You and I.”
He said, “That don’t make sense.”
I said, “Exactly.”
The Third Amigo. “ME”
I have left “ME” to last, yet in some ways me is in some ways the central character, yet has very little input.
ME is going to be governed by either, “I” or “YOU”, it is a choice we all have the freedom to make. The fact that we have the ability to make a choice, indicates the importance of “ME.”
You see “I” and “YOU” are energy forces or we could call them spiritual beings. Both those energy forces need a physical body to exist.
In this post “I” was number one purposely, because for most and at some point all, “I” is number one. For “I” not to be number one, a conscious choice has to be made to hand over the reins to “YOU.”
The “Second Amigo, You” writing, ended with my friend saying, “That don’t make sense.” and me saying “Exactly.”
“I” is unable to make that change, but “You” can, if the choice is made to give “You” the control.
IT BECOMES, A WALK OF FAITH.
“You” is able to make the changes that need to be made, that I can’t. “YOU” is the more powerful energy force.
The changes I’m talking about is primarily “LOVE” not love you can garner from someone else, but “LOVE” that you can have for yourself. Love you garner from someone else, leaves you at the mercy of whoever that might be, leaving you not your own person.
“Lateral thinking” allows a person to open up to the spiritual side of themselves, my reason for the admonition at the beginning of “The First Amigo, I.”
“I” is an energy force that relies on our five senses, that makes everything relevant. There has to be someone or something in our life that we can relate our love too. When you think of it, because we are relying on someone or what we learn, it makes us mechanical in nature.
“I” is our mind, it is only capable of sending a message to our brain but unable to receive a message back from the brain. Making it impossible for us to reason things through properly. Our mind is “One Track.” Love in this dimension. because it relates to someone or something is “conditional” that’s not true love.
“You” is our inner self, the friend who will never let us down. It is our powerhouse. When we connect with this “INNER SELF” we experience “true love” It comes as a result of faith (faith is the evidence of things not seen) you know it, but you didn’t learn it.
“You” is our soul, it has the ability to send a message to the brain and the ability to receive a message from the brain, making it possible for us to “reason” things through.
Because the soul connects with the brain and the heart, it becomes possible to have emotion and reason at the same time.
We than don’t take sides for or against. We listen, take what we want, or don’t want, and leave it at that.
It is “unconditional love” if we can love ourselves unconditionally we will have no problem with anyone. We will respect everyone even if we don’t agree with them.
Because that love comes from within us, it is not mechanical, it is organic.
Life is organic. We don’t learn it, we live it.
If we learn it, it’s mechanical and that is not who we really are, it’s only a perception.
The choice for every “ME” is “I” or “YOU.”
If “You” is chosen, over time “I” will be put down.
Then life becomes so much simpler.
You will no longer be looking in all the wrong places for “Love.”
IT’S IN YOU!
Have a great day.
Until next time, stay safe and think about choosing “YOU.”
Any questions or comments appreciated.