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The Women In My Life.

anniversary beautiful birthday bloom
LOVE IS LIKE A ROSE  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Difficult Topic.

It took me a long time to realize how important two particular women in my life were. Both Norma and Sandra have had a tremendous impact on my getting to know who I really am.

My mother, of course, had a big impact, my four daughters also had an enlightening impact, but it was Norma, my wife of forty-seven years and Sandra my present wife of five years, that forced me to really look at myself and ask, “Who am I?

In my post Another Look At Love the three aspects of love in the
Greek Language was mentioned. The statement was made “we still have to go beyond that, I will explain later,” also the statement “our experiences are our truths.”

That explanation in respect to my experiences will give you an idea of how a number of incidents in my life, brought me to a point of better understanding of who I am, and the benefits that go with it.

Please don’t look at my experiences for you, your experiences are going to be different, but like me, those experiences have a purpose.  We have to listen to our inner voice, our own intellect, to discover the meaningful aspect of who we are. No one can tell us who we are, but we can find out for ourselves. Again, that is why this blog is called I don’t have the answer, but you do.

The Beginning Of A Journey.

In earlier posts I’ve mentioned the first time I saw Norma, I was fifteen, that was when my journey of love could have begun, but didn’t. (A year later I got up enough nerve to ask her on a date and three years later we were married.) There was no understanding of what took place, it was over fifty years later before there was a realization of what took place that day.

Both Norma and I had a fair amount of exposure to church, Norma was Catholic and I was Protestant, belonging to the United Church of Canada. Not a good combination at that time in our locality. My experience with church was one of,”made to be part of, by my parents.” Later, when I could make my own choice, I turned my back on the institution. Norma, was more faithful to church, was lukewarm towards the priest but liked the Mother Superior, even though she was very strict.

We did get back to church and approximately fifteen years later we were attending a Baptist Church. We had teen age children at that point. Because of some difficulties I discussed the matter with the minister. When I told Norma she was livid. She said “your the father, the minister does not know how to handle this, but you do.”

It was a couple of years later that I came to Ontario to study Theology and become a minister. This was a drastic turn of events for me, but the calling was so strong, in some ways I had no choice. But, did I ever get it wrong, I thought this was the beginning of my journey, but it turned out to be another side road, like many others I had taken, it led to a dead end.

After thirty seven years of marriage, Norma took ill and was confined to a wheelchair, her desire was for me to care for her. I was now out of the ministry and back into business. Norma’s request was stronger than the call of business, although for the first two years, I wasn’t sure. It was trying times.

I still needed to go to church and at that time was attending a Presbyterian Church. The church was not accessible for a wheelchair, so Norma was at home and if there was a problem she would phone me. Two Sundays in a row she had to phone, not because she wanted to , but had too. This made me reconsider leaving her each week, from that point on, I stopped attending church.

Norma and I had another ten years before she passed away. After, I got into the caregiver routine, I have to say that ten years were some of the best years of our life together, even though there were many hills to climb.

The last couple of months, there was a distinct change in Norma and it was the last couple of weeks that I recognized, or began to recognize. It came to a full realization after she passed away, when I realized how things were changing for me as well.

Another Chapter.

We were operating a B & B for the last few years that Norma was alive. I continued on with this. I enjoyed cooking and the people that came to the B&B. In a way this was the first time I was by myself and I was thoroughly enjoying it, I was meeting many people thorough the B&B.

A couple of years later one of the couples that were regulars at the B&B invited me to a Sports Bar where he was playing. He was a musician, the plan was to introduce me to a friend of thiers. That is when I met Sandra. I danced with her that evening and on the way home I thought about how I enjoyed dancing with her.

Friends visiting the B&B that weekend encouraged me to call her, after I mentioned to them about the previous evening. I was to meet Sandra on Tuesday for lunch but got cold feet. I called to let her know, she was not overly busy at work, so we chatted for a while and I called her at home that night. We spoke every evening that week and Saturday Night we went to a dance.

We were late coming from the dance and I had a two hour drive home. Sandra had a spare room and invited me to stay for the night. The next morning she was going cross country skiing and I was going home. Sandra was making my breakfast and I was making her lunch. This was our first time together, when I was leaving, I took her in my arms and said “I Love You.” That was as much a surprise to me as it was to Sandra.

I said, “I won’t call you this week, to give you time to process what I just said. If you wish you may call me.” She called every evening.

A year and a half later we were married.

Soulmates.

My experience on meeting those two ladies was very much the same, yet it was two different people and approximately fifty years apart.

In both instances, I was completely overwhelmed and was so happy. It was later when reading “The Brain that changes itself by Norman Doidge” that I recognized it was the Neuromodulator controlling the brain that gave a person that type of a feeling. Actually, he said the brain wave pattern was the same as a person high on cocaine, I wasn’t, but I knew the feeling.

He described it as “Romantic Love.” Norma had been my soulmate, she was gone, now Sandra was my soulmate. I am a very lucky guy.

I had to get this romantic love aspect understood. There were three factors that were completely different, two different women and fifty years apart, I didn’t understand the romantic love aspect. This is when lateral thinking allowed me to think outside the box and go to my inner self for an answer. It took a while, then I realized the love was with myself.

In “Eat, Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert” soulmate popped up, this time I was challenged. Three quotes from this book, “people think, a soul mate is your perfect fit.” “A true soulmate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.” “But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soulmates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.”

The first part of the second statement ” A true soulmate is probably the most important person you will ever meet.” was no problem, the part where “they tear down your walls and smack you awake” was a problem. To be completely honest I guess at one point I may have accepted that second part, now it was different.

I again went to my innerself for an answer or some sort of understanding. My innerself is my soul. There was my answer.

The Journey Begins In Earnest.

Life is a journey, when I was fifteen I could have begun my personal journey in earnest. It was two weeks before Norma passed away, that my journey begun in earnest.

There was a lot I didn’t understand then, now it is much clearer, enough that I can articulate somewhat with confidence and encourage others to get on their personal journey, if they are not already on it.

It is so easy to convince ourselves we are on our personal journey when we rely on others, what we see, hear and learn, anything associated with our five senses, that is not who we are. It is other people saying who we are. To know who we are comes from our soul.

The world is awash with knowledge of how we should live, what we should do and on and on, but you don’t learn life you live it. A good part of my years, I worshipped death and took life for granted.

When I met Sandra, I had been on my personal journey for a couple of years. I told her I was on a journey and asked her if she would like to come with me, she agreed. I’m sure she didn’t understand, because at that time there was much I didn’t understand. I tried to explain to her, but got no where with it. It is difficult to explain something succinctly to someone when your own understanding is not clear.  It was my personal journey. Finally out of exasperation, Sandra said “don’t tell me, show me.”

I realized then, it is not your better half that has to deal with a tear down, I had to face myself and allow my inner self to do the tearing down. I could not accomplish the tear down myself, when that was  fully realized, my expectations of other people was nil. If I could not accomplish it myself, how could I expect it of another person.

My journey has been, and is, “A Journey to Love,” to love myself. After all, we are ninety-nine point nine per cent the same. If I could truly love myself, it would not be too difficult to love others. My journey has and is a “Pilgrim Walk” I am A Pilgrim journeying through this world, I hope my blog speaks to you as a Pilgrim. One Pilgrim to another.

Norma’s anger with me about being the father of my children, her condition that caused me to forfeit going to church and Sandra’s “Don’t tell me, show me,” forced me to look at myself and what I was doing. Those two statements and one incident helped in many ways to get me on the correct road to my destination.

“Don’t tell me, show me,” is about walking the walk and not talking the talk. It is so easy to find the right words and know the talk, but I have found and you will as well, if you have not already found, “that walking does the talking for you.”

Remember, one picture is worth a thousand words.

This journey has given me a different vision of myself, those around me and my responsibilities as a father and husband. Some things were so different then what I had perceived, but then it is a Pilgrim walk.

Next post will be a continuation of that “Journey to Love.”

Your comments or questions are always appreciated, have a great day.

 

 

 

 

 

EQ or IQ?–Why Not Both? (part 2)

person on a bridge near a lake
CONTEMPLATING THE BEAUTY THAT SURROUNDS US.  Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

Introduction.

The last article posted was a segue into this article, why not EQ and IQ together. We believe that is the reality of our thought patterns, but in most instances it is not. We  have a strong tendency to operate on separate wave lengths.

This article will explain why we do not operate with EQ and IQ together and how we can change the frequency to balance between the two.

Lateral Thinking.

“The solving of problems by an indirect and creative approach, typically through viewing the problem in a new and unusual light.” (Oxford Dictionary)

Lateral thinking is essential for creativity. It can be accessed by chance, or a willingness to open oneself to lateral thinking can be the path to a productive, creative and balanced life. You may have difficulty with this article unless there is a willingness for lateral thinking.

It means opening oneself to a new and unusual light, the spiritual side of oneself.

For many when spiritual is mentioned the mind is closed or it has a particular meaning that keeps a person stuck in a particular mindset. Spirituality is a broad concept with many perceptions.

In this  article we shall not go into any or all of the understandings or misunderstandings pertaining to spirituality, we shall consider it an “ENERGY FORCE.” That simplifies the whole process and allows us to get to the task at hand.

Our body is a vessel sustained and moved by an energy force. That energy force in many ways will determine how we are going to live and move on any given day.

The Mind.

Contrary to what we may think the mind is not part of or attached in any significant way to the brain.

How many times, in a day do you find your mind racing to someplace other than where you are at the moment? Yet, you will agree, your brain is where your body is. If the mind is running around somewhere other than where we are, we would conclude it is an energy force.

It is the transmitter to the brain. To transmit, it has to have material to transmit. That is where the five senses come in. The mind gleans information from the five senses and transmits it to the brain.

Sounds good, but there is a catch, we don’t know if the information is accurate or if it is complete. We may have to reason further to get the whole picture. There is another catch, the brain does the reasoning but the mind can’t receive any signal from the brain.

Have your heard the phrase ” a one track mind” or a “mindset” well that is not just a saying it is a fact. The mind can send information to the brain but can’t receive anything back.

For example–a courtroom scene, the prosecution states the argument against you, but there is no defense. Is the judge going to make a good decision? I think not, he has only heard one side of the argument, the negative side. Let’s reverse that , the defense states your case, but there is no prosecution. Can the judge make a good decision? Again, I think not, he has only heard one side of the case, the positive side.

That brings a reality to an everyday occurrence, if someone praises us (defense) we feel great. If someone says something negative about us (prosecution) there can be a tendency to feel down or try and rationalize it.

The mind relies on outside information good or bad and we have no way of defending ourselves, because the mind is unable to receive a signal back from the brain. We are at the mercy of other people, it may be what someone said, what we read or what we heard. Our only defense is to fight back and defend what we believe.

With the mind in control, everything we know or do is relevant to someone or something, other than ourselves, leaving a person in a somewhat precarious situation.

How is it possible to go through a day without a certain amount of fear, doubt or anxiety when we are not in control of all the facts? How can we be creative when we only have one side of the equation? How can we make a decision, with confidence, if we only have one side of the problem?

The Soul.

The soul is an energy force, it is our higher power and many will accept the fact there is a higher power, it dwell in us.

This energy is able to send and receive signals from the brain, it allows a person to benefit from reasoning. You are able to analyze or look at both sides of an argument, enabling you to make a better decision on a given subject.

It is necessary at this point to look at spirituality to bring this article into perspective, we are still dealing with an energy force.

“The quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.” (Oxford Dictionary)

That definition recognizes the soul as spiritual as opposed to the material or physical which for the most part is the mind. The mind also is spiritual but relies on the physical for information to send to the brain. The mind is so dependant on the brain it wants us to believe they are one.

The mind does not recognize the soul or will question it. That is normal because the mind cannot move into the absolute realm, it has to connect with something or someone. It does not respect the spiritual.

Whereas, the soul can deal with the absolute as well as the relevant. It respects the physical. How often do you find yourself in a situation where you recognize you have a bias towards someone, this is the mind controlling. The soul has no bias.

When the absolute is in play we have the ability to be creative. We are thinking outside of the box, the box been the known.

Have you not at some time, perhaps realized, that you knew something you didn’t think you knew? It maybe a lightbulb went on for you. That is your creative side, your intellect. The mind relies on other people’s  intellect and causes us to ignore our own.

Intellect.

We will look at the definition of “intellect from two different dictionaries. It is amazing the difference between the two dictionaries, of the same word.

“The power of knowing as distinguished from the power to feel and to will: the capacity for knowledge.” (Webster’s Dictionary)

That is a definition that deals strictly with the mind. I would call that knowledge rather than intellect. This could be IQ or EQ but not both.

“The faculty of reasoning and understanding objectively, especially to abstract or academic matters: he was a man of action rather than intellect.” (Oxford Dictionary)

This is a definition that deals with the soul and the mind, the brain is able to reason objectively, discard what is not necessary and bring a solution to the problem. This is kinesthetic learning at its finest. That is the IQ and EQ working together. The soul is our modulator.

Combining the soul and the brain, we are able to access our own intellect and not have to depend on someone other than ourselves. After all, everything we hear or read came originally from some person’s intellect.

This does not mean we will not listen to anyone, other than ourselves, quite the contrary, we will listen more attentively to others. What we hear from others through llistening or reading will challenge or encourage us on our journey of life.

Always remember it is your journey and no one can walk it for you.

Self-Actualization.

Most people’s views change with age, the mind and ego are intertwined, but as we grow older the ego doesn’t have the same power it had when we were younger.

You may have heard someone say “I am my greatest enemy,” so true, the mind is our enemy, it constantly  gets us in trouble. Our soul is our greatest friend.

It is possible to transition from the mind to the soul, there is a starting point and then a growth period, it is not possible to learn the way of the soul.

“Give your soul control and follow along.” That is what I have done for the last ten years.

It has nothing to do with age, it is just that the ego has less control in later years. Transitioning to listening to the soul can be done at any age, it is the path way to self-actualization.

Self-actualization leads to comfort with yourself and the people around you, productivity, creativity, work-life balance and the opportunity to excel in what you do.

DOES THIS INTEREST YOU?

Questions or comments are appreciated.

 

Authors note: This article was published on Linked-In. I decided to put it here to help explain in more detail why I constantly say “I don’t have the answer”  but you do. Follow your soul, you will be taken into new and exciting lands.

 

 

 

EQ or IQ? Why Not Both?

backlit beach clouds dawn
TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Intro.

Finishing my last post, the intention was to write, “the women in my life,” that has been more difficult then I anticipated, however, it will be written.

My next two posts will, in some ways, explain my thought pattern in previous posts. I did post them on “Linked In” and am reposting on this site. The posting is in two parts, today is part one.

This will explain the importance of EQ and IQ together.

Why This Topic?

A few days ago I was having coffee with my son, who is a realtor. He mentioned how important EQ is in selling real estate. We had a discussion on the topic and our views were somewhat similar. I did agree with his thinking, but felt inclined to give it more thought, especially in light of some things I have been reading in the business section of the news of late.

This brings me to some news articles I have read lately.

A major technology company has developed an algorithm they use and are selling to other companies. This algorithm can show, with ninety-five per cent accuracy, what employees will be working with the company twelve months hence. For employee retention it allows the company to be proactive. This algorithm was developed from their experience with previous employees. My thinking, what about creativity? If the future can be ninety-five per cent accurate based on the past.

A major technology company that has spread its wings significantly, over the years, has purchased over seventy companies. My thinking, they are purchasing creativity. Why?

An innovative technology company has developed an AI  program for writing advertising copy. A major American bank has just signed a five year contract to use this program, to write most of their copy write, because in  market surveys, they found copy written by AI was much more effective than the human production. AI created by the human brain can be more productive than the human brain. Why?

EQ.

This brings me back to the discussion with my son. I decided to do some quick research on EQ, and as you know, with Google, research is not necessarily time consuming.

“Emotional Quotient is the capability of individuals to recognize their emotions, and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour and manage or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve ones goals.” (Wikipedia)

It appears that emotional quotient or emotional intelligence first came to the forefront in 1964 through a paper written by Michael Beldoch, though I am sure there was emotional intelligence long before.

Daniel Goleman brought EI more to the forefront in 1995, by a book he wrote, by that title. EI and Goleman’s analysis have been criticized in the scientific community. I have not read the book, but the criticism from the scientific community does not surprise me.

Emotions are personal and so often deals with ones experiences. This would be considered “Anecdotal Evidence” and science, for the most  part, does not accept that type of evidence.

What caught my attention was a book written in 1983 by Howard Gardner entitled “Frame of Minds: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences.” Again, I have not read the book, but what caught my attention was “Intrapersonal Intelligences” the capacity to understand one’s feelings, fears and motivations. That has been the thrust of my writings in my blog ” I don’t have the answer,” tagline, “but you do,” it is about knowing and appreciating yourself.

Every person is unique and special, you have to find it, to really enjoy oneself and life in general.  

I also found that Howard Gardner among other things defined “Kinesthetic Intelligence” which you could call hands on experience.

I never was good at storing facts, but if I had a passion for what I was learning and understood and could apply it, I could hold my own with anyone. One of my sons had a similar situation. In elementary school he was considered a slow learner, teachers wanted to put him in a slow learner class. We would not agree to that, perhaps because of my own experience with school, especially math. My wife and I did not understand Kinesthetic Intelligence at that pint but we knew our son could learn. We worked with him at home to get through his grades.

Later in life, when he worked at something he enjoyed and understood, he found he could excel, but the teachers did have a negative impact early in his life. He found out for himself that he could excel, if what he was doing made sense.

IQ.

IQ is more accepted in society, how intelligent a person is, this will determine how far they will go in life, believe it or not. Society is a worshipper of knowledge.

When I was in school, that was a long time ago, I had a problem with math, I enjoyed math, but come exam time, it was difficult, to the point, in sixth grade I failed. I was supposed to repeat the grade because math was compulsory, my mother intervened and the teacher allowed me to go to the seventy grade, if I took an IQ test, to supposedly determine if I was capable of passing. I did very well on the IQ test.

Wit the acceptable IQ, I still failed seventy grade math. This time I had to repeat.

My mother intervened again, this time I had to change schools and had a different teacher who promoted me to the eighth grade. He took the time to determine if I had a good foundation, I didn’t, he got to the basics and made certain I had a good foundation.

That year in the eighth grade I passed, with a score of 100%. It may be a long time ago, but now you know why I never forgot that mark, it may have been the only time I got 100% on an exam.

An article by Phil Cooke entitled “Why are the ignorant so confident?” went on to say, we’ve all met them–people who are abysmally wrong and yet incredibly confident. He mentions an article in the Pacific Standard magazine written by David Dunning on research into why we are confident idiots.

Also, seven lessons about human ignorance from David Dunning’s Reddit AMA. David Dunning of Dunning-Kruger effect fame, discussing his article on competence, moral character and self-deception. In his own words, “I ask how close people’s perception of themselves adhere to the reality of who they are. The general answer is: not very close.”

A “perception” is exactly that, a perception relies on our sensory powers, which are all relevant to someone or something other than ourselves. In effect we are allowing outside forces to determine for us, who we are, what we do and what we think. It is little wonder the answer to how well we know ourselves in “not very close.”

Summation.

My purpose is not to put either EI or IQ on a pedestal or on trial, but to point out some thoughts from different psychologists and the news media, about those two important subjects.

EQ and IQ need to be balanced. EQ only, can be devastating and painful. IQ only, makes us robotic, and makes us replaceable. Think about the copy-write example, where the robot is more productive than the human brain.

The second part of this posting, “Why not both?” is what I found to be a balance between the two, a happy balanced person.

Another Look At Love

orange tabby cat beside fawn short coated puppy
Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com

Intro.

In June, two thousand and eighteen, I posted on this blog a post entitled “Love.” Also, in that post I said, “there are three words in Greek that better explain the depth of love, however, we still have to go beyond that, which I will explain later.”

My last two posts on “Coming of Age,” was in a way laying the ground work for this post, although that was not the original intent. This photo is a picture of unconditional love, albeit between two animals, this post is meant for unconditional love between two people.

Many of my previous posts have been vague or as some will say “deep.” That was never the intention, each post is meant to get a person thinking, “about themselves.” There is within me an acre of diamonds, if the time is taken to mine them. The same applies to you. 

Each post writtten in the past has a diamond, the diamond will vary in size and clarity according to you, just has mine has for me. A promise was made in my first post on “Coming of Age?” how what is written came about, that puts pressure on me to be transparent on my experiences. It is our experiences that is our truth, because naturally, we have experienced it.

For me, there is very little looking to the past for nostalgia but rather to learn from. There has been good and not so good and bad experiences from the past. All were related to the choices I made, if I didn’t like the experience, it was because I made a wrong choice. All was not lost if the experience helped me to grow up.

The Three Aspects Of Love.

While the English language has one word for love, Greek has three, each describes succinctly the love we can experience in day to day living.

In the post on Coming Of Age? (contd) the fact of growing up began in my sixties but could have begun, when I was fifteen. That was my first experience with Agape Love, but I did not realize it. It was many years later before I began to understand it from the aspect, where it began to bring about a ripple effect in my life. At that point my understanding was coming from the fact of my experience, which is powerful.

Mine and Norma’s relationship was built on a relationship with each other. Eros, quickly became the foundation of our relationship, especially for me.

Eros is the lowest or weakest form of love, it centers very much on sex.

With the arrival of children, Norma’s love elevated to Phileo which is a higher love that centers more on family. This left me on the outside.

Later in life I would sometimes say to Norma, it feels to me as if you are in a room with the children and I’m on the outside looking in. She did not get that or even accept it, in many ways I did not get it either. I was expressing a feeling I had, without understanding it.

In the early years of our marriage I had the distinct feeling that Norma was stronger than me and I was suppose to be the strong one. This caused me to bury myself in my work and set about to prove myself, by being a good provider for the family and getting involved in all kinds of community activities.

That was not a bad thing, but there was still a void. Some people are seekers and some are not, as for me I was a seeker. I was trying to reconcile, I did not know what, with myself, those activities kept me from dwelling on this seeker mentatlity.

I helped in the home when I could, was fair at cleaning and cooking, but never really rose to the occasion as Norma did.

It was years later, studying Greek and looking at the three aspects of love that I began to realize that my natural gravitation in love was Eros and for my wife it was Phileo.

I can now accept and appreciate that my wife was stronger than me when it came to love. This made her a stronger person. This also took a load off me, because now I did not have to prove myself, just accept the fact I’m weaker. That opened up a new set of questions that I wanted answers too. Love is the strength of any person and it centers in the heart.

I knew that I did not have too, nor could I, prove to her that I was stronger. The moment I tried to prove to her that I was stronger, my weakness was exposed. We are energy fields and what we do speaks volumes, what we say is like sounding brass and tinkling symbols, just a lot of noise.

So I head down another path, the religious path, that proved to be a dead end as well. It was a necessary path for me, all the paths I travelled were necessary. It was the result of those dead ends that got me on my Camino in my sixties.

For me that journey of growing up began when I experienced “Agape” love and rather than discount or rationalize, it was embraced by me.

It took time communing with myself and asking questions, but gradually the realization mostly through experience of day to day living and the understanding of the “power of agape love” and the impact it had on me and my relationships became more of a reality. It changed how I saw myself and how I saw others as well.

The understanding of “Soulmate” took on a whole new meaning.

Eros centers on the sexual side of love, it did not mean with Agape love there was no sex, there was better sex, this time considering the woman as much as myself. In a recent survey of women it was found that eighty-five percent of women never experienced an orgasm when having intercourse. When Agape love is the predominant love, sex becomes a journey rather than a destination, if the destination is not reached there is always another day. It also became important that the woman reach the destination as well.

Phileo love is the family love, this allowed me to see the strength of family and why Norma was stronger than me. Phileo love is more unconditional whereas eros is more conditional. My helping in the housework and doing things around the house did not give it the Phileo energy, that was still conditional. We both had a responsibility on the phileo side, again because it is an energy it had very little to do with what we did but the greatest impact was with who we are.

The basis of Agape love was myself, my inner self, my higher power. It meant embracing myself and setting out to grow up in that love, that is what happened in my sixties, and is not complete as of yet. However, the questions I had are no longer there, it is time that will finish the journey. It has enabled me to truly love myself without being arrogant or self serving.

Agape love is unconditional love.

artistic blossom bright clouds
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It centers around the heart, that is why we never give our heart to anyone.

My next post is “The women in my life.” will expand on the heart relationship more than in previous posts.

If you have questions or comments,  I am happy to respond.

 

 

 

 

 

Coming Of Age? (contd)

Why “Coming of Age?

You will notice “coming of Age?” ends with a question mark, for a very good reason. When does a person come of age? Simply put, it is when the transition is made from childhood to adulthood.

This can garner more questions than answers, is it different for a male than a female, is it different in different cultures, what age or is it some event? We could go on and on with even more questions, but this would only create more questions.

My desire is not to create or bring into play more questions but rather answers.

This brings me to me, what I have found from my own experiences and exposures over or during my years. My number of years you can determine for yourself as some of the events unwind and the time involved.

Contrary to what we might think, it is not the flick of a switch or a person saying “I’m an adult now.” There is much more to it than that. Some will say I never want to grow up and others will never grow up. Growing up is a process and every person sometime or other will take their knocks.

I thought when I was eighteen I am now an adult. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that, while I thought I was adult I wasn’t. In years, according to our society I was an adult. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was in my sixties before I began to grow up.

You may ask, “were you backward, or what?” By societies prerequisites I wasn’t. I have worked, married had a family did all the things normal people do. Then you may ask, what is the problem? No Problem.

Most of my life I have been, what you would say a traditional thinker, so I follow the crowd and do what any normal person will do to be accepted by society, to be a good person.

But, there was a problem, deep within my psychic, something seemed to be missing. For a while I covered it over or perhaps avoided it by working. However, I was constantly reading self-help books, I think I may have read most of them, I can’t say it did much for me. I would think, this is the answer but after a short period of time that inner gnawing would began again.

In previous posts I’ve mentioned about being a lateral thinker and explained what it entails. Now, I am very much a lateral thinker. I don’t think I ever became a critical thinker and it is easy for that to happen, if you have a feeling something is wrong. You began to critic everything to find out what is wrong. I never was interested in finding out what was wrong, I was more interested in finding answers, than knowing what the problem was.

The Beginning.

I have recounted this in previous writings, but for this post I will recount again.

I was fifteen years of age on a foggy Friday afternoon in August, I was walking home and met this girl that I had attended school with the previous year in a four room school. So, she was known to me, plus the fact it was a small town and everyone knew everyone.

This was a different situation, I became acutely aware of her and my face felt as if I was blushing. It was a year later before I got a date with her and three years later we married. I experienced a euphoria within myself.

I gave my heart to Norma and she give her heart to me. We were married for forty-seven years before her passing. We had our ups and downs during our marriage, this most will say is normal.

Her final ten years was confined to a wheelchair and I was her care giver. It was during that time, hind sight being twenty- twenty vision, that I realized and to a certain point Norma realized as well, this was the best time of our marriage. It was difficult and trying on times for both of us, but it brought us closer than we had been anytime in our marriage.

After her passing, I began doing a five k walk early each morning. For me it was a time of meditation, I would journalize after I returned each morning. I called it “My Five K Walk.”

I was not sad or lonely, even though I was alone, matter of fact it was the first time alone in my life, neither was I grieving. I began to feel a strong emotion that I was not familiar with and many times would bring me to tears, it was so overwhelming. It was several years later I began to realize that this strong emotion was a connection with myself, it was a euphoria that brought me to tears.

On my five k walk I was communing or meditating with myself. I had many questions about things. I am now into my Camino journey, in earnest, for approximately one and one half years. I was questioning, in my communing, about life in general and my purpose. I had found my morning walks very exhilirating, this particular morning in July, I realized that my life had been a Merry-Go-Round. I asked, “how do I get off?” the answer came the next morning “say, I want to get off?” and the Merry-Go-Round will stop. I did.

A few mornings later, communing with myself, not quite understanding exactly what was taking place. I questioned the fact the Merry-Go-Round was still spinning. The answer came back to me “that I was actually off the Merry-Go-Round, but my head was still spinning, because I have been on it so long, it feels as if you are still on it. In actual fact your feet is on the ground, but give it time.”

There was such an overwhelming feeling of knowing about myself and what was happening, knowledge wise, that I said to my innerself, I don’t want to know anything else I want to live what you are showing me.

I went home, wrote in my journal what had happened and signed off, saying I have nothing more to say. I love you and good-bye.

All this may seem weird to you, I admit I did not understand, in the slightest, what was taking place. Now, nine years later, it is much clearer to me what was transpiring and how during that nine years I have actually began to grow up and in so doing, many things have been reconciled with myself.

My Camino Continues.

Seven months after signing off in my journal, I met Sandra, the euphoria I experienced with Norma I experienced with Sandra. This is over fifty years later and two different ladies, but the same experience.

Communing with myself, you know the question I was asking. Why a similar experience for me, with two different ladies and so much time difference between the two. It was a while later it came to me, the connection was with myself.

A year or so later Sandra gave me a book to read by Norman Doidge entitled “The brain that changes itself.” I became enthralled in the chapter on “love” not the sexual part but the part of the neurotransmitter and the neuromodulator. He explained the characteristics of the neuromodulator and what took place.

What I understood was when the person experienced “romantic love” there was a euphoria and now because of the advancements in technology the brain waves can be measured. High on cocaine and romantic love, the brain waves were similar. Because of my experience I realized the connection with myself was actually the neuromodulator activated.

The Wrap.

I mentioned earlier that I was told my head had to stop spinning when I got off the Merry-Go-Round. I later realized that was my growing up, the very intense emotion that I experienced during my five k walk was love, love for myself. Not a self centered, selfish love, but a love that allowed me to forgive myself, not have any expectations from myself and very little disappointments in myself. This in turn began to manifest itself in my experiences with others, easy to forgive others and very little, if any, expectations from others. The most difficult has been having no expectations from my off spring, but that also is changing.

This has been a process and has indeed been a growing experience. I have come to realize that Norma was my soulmate and Sandra is now my soulmate. My experience with Norma when I was fifteen was not understood. It was two weeks before her passing that we both understood, however at that point there was much growing to be done by me, before it was revealed what actually was happening.

Another realization, or revelation, was keeping my heart to myself. When I was fifteen or sometime later I gave my heart to Norma and she did the same for me. We let go of each other two weeks before her passing, that was when my journey began.

It was almost three years after Norma’s passing that I proposed to Sandra, I told her, “I was on a journey and I would like for her to come with me.” I also told her, “I couldn’t give her my heart and I did not want hers.” I’m sure at that time she may have thought to herself, what is he talking about or what is going on, but she was agreeable to it. We celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary this month.

This time I had a much better understanding of love for myself and others, the better the understanding of myself, the better I understood human nature, after all I am a part of human nature.

Life for me has been like my physical walk on the Camino. I was walking through the Pyrenees for much of the journey. There were steep climbs to the top, but always when you reached the top, you now had to descend into a valley. My life has been ups and downs. The greatest difference over this past ten years, the hills have not been as high and the valleys not so deep.

Like my climbs and descents on the Camino, it strengthened me, the climbs used one set of muscles and the descents another set of muscles, all part of balance so I could complete the journey.

It was sixty-six years before my growing began, it could have started when I was fifteen, but no one told me, I could blame my parents for not telling me, but if I did that, I would not be taking responsibility for myself. I have also realized, one thing we have in common is “choice” and choice brings consequences. If I make the correct choice I receive the correct consequence and vice versa. If I blame anyone other than myself there can be no healing. Growing up in who I am is when the healing began and it continues. The journey brings peace, comfort, love and healing.

Everyone has their experiences, just as I have had mine. They are our opportunities to grow up, there are hills and valley’s. You may think some of what I have said was a bit weird, but I’m really not a weird person, just ask Sandra.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coming of Age?

The Intro

My apologies for not having posted during the last few weeks. I was in Portugal for a few weeks and must say it was a very enjoyable trip, I really enjoyed Portugal. This gave me time to think and reflect as well as see, experience and enjoy new places.

My plan earlier this year was to walk the Camino from Lisbon to Santiago de Compostela and continue to Finisterre. Things didn’t quite work out the way I had initially planned, I tore the meniscus in my left knee and had to give it time to heal. It is completely healed now, but to be on the safe side I chose not to do the trek.

I still walk approximately a hundred kilometers per week. Sandra knew I was planning on Portugal, since I was not going to walk the country, she decided to gift me with a trip to this beautiful country. We had a wonderful trip.

While in Porto I met a few Pilgrims who were enroute to Santiago and talked with a lady from Germany who had just returned from Santiago after completing the Portuguese Camino walk.

I mentioned it gave me time to think and reflect, well, I was thinking and reflecting to a certain degree on my Camino walk from France to Santiago two years before. On that walk there were two predominate questions. Why are you walking the Camino and when did you start?

I really did not have a bona fide answer to the first, but to the second my answer would always be “I started walking my Camino, in earnest, seven years ago.” This always garnered a certain amount of curiosity, knowing that I had not been walking in Spain  for seven years.

My plan was to do the Portuguese Camino next year walking from Lisbon to Santiago, however while in Portugal or shortly after returning home a decision has been reached that I may not go back to walk the Portuguese Camino. I may go back to Portugal again, but most likely, not to walk the Camino.

Camino means “way or journey.” Life is a pathway or journey, I travel on that path every day. The French Camino was an exciting journey, a challenge, that I found to be very rewarding. The trip was enlightening, but so was my time before walking the Camino and since walking the Camino.

After I completed the French Camino, I was in Santiago for a couple of days. Before leaving, I was downtown doing something I enjoy, shopping. I met a couple that I had met on my Camino walk. We stopped and chatted for a few minutes and when we were parting I said “Buen Camino” which was a common salutation on the Camino. There reply was ” we are not on the Camino now.”

I gave much thought to that statement and again while in Portugal. This may have been the catalyst  on my decision to scratch the Portuguese Camino.  My Camino is everyday wherever I may be. It is my life journey. I don’t have to go anywhere to walk a Camino, I am walking it everyday.

My Camino

In the last post I promised to expand on teamwork, whether it was a family, company or a sports team. The importance of knowing yourself and how it would enable you to function to the fullest in that arena.

The five areas that I was going to expand on was value, belief, independent thinking, teamwork and care for others. I am still going to do that, but later down the road.

Giving it much thought and from feedback, it has become apparent that I should perhaps expand on how, what is written, in my previous posts came about.

My greatest desire is that something I write may challenge, encourage or comfort you in your Camino.

I will expand on how I arrived at some of the statements I have made in my previous posts. Some say it is too deep or I don’t quite understand what you are saying. I get it, but my desire was never to give anyone an understanding of what I was saying but rather to challenge YOU on your journey.

I am sure you have noticed the title of this blog is “I don’t have the answer” and my tagline is “but you do.” That is not a desire to have a catchy title, it is exactly what I want to portray. A blog for your benefit from my experiences. You see, your experiences are as profound and meaningful to you as mine are to me.

My writings have not been an academic experience, it is the result of my personal experience and how they have impacted me in knowing myself and becoming my own person. I have not rejected academia, in some instances it has helped me understand things that have taken place in my life that I did not quite understand. I have not rejected what other people say, again in some instances I have found answers from the most unexpected people under the most extenuating circumstances.

What I am saying, any questions you may have, answers can come from the most unusual or usual places. Don’t discount anything or anyone, there is a purpose in every moment of our day, in every situation and in every person we come in contact with.

An important thought, You have two ears and one tongue.

Todays Wrap.

In my next posts after this one, I am going to expand on my experiences and my reasoning and meditating that gave me the understanding that I have and most importantly the reality of a very happy, complete and comfortable life that has left me with an inner peace that no one can take from me.

The same can be yours, there is nothing to learn, it is exactly according to the blog title “you have the answer.” It is necessary to tap into it and realize it is a process. I mentioned walking the French way Camino two years ago, “that I started my Camino walk, in earnest, seven years ago.” I am now going into year ten and the journey continues.

If you would like to continue or come on this walk with me, ask questions, make comments. I will attempt to answer everyone. If you enjoy this blog share it with someone who you think may have an interest.

Your experiences are yours and positive or negative they are guideposts to reach a destination that will excite you, but the journey itself can be pleasant and enjoyable. It is really about “YOU” finding your way through the maze of this world.

I began “coming of age” almost ten years ago. I was in my sixties. I am not going to expand on this now, I’ve been to verbose getting to this point. Until next post, later this week, where I will continue on “coming of age” have a great day and week.

Thank you for reading this post, I do hope you can glean a gem, for you, from it.

 

 

 

Into The Light.

A Walk In The Park.IMG_1647

This photograph was taken in Central Park, New York City. It does not look like a typical walk in the park, it is actually a tunnel we were walking through. The focus for this post is the light at the end of the tunnel.

There are times when we feel boxed in, we are suffering from tunnel vision. The sad part is many people feel that is the natural or the norm and think that there is no way out or nothing different.

If you are familiar with Yoga, it is not unusual to hear the instructor speak of the light within them, connecting with the light within you. The purpose of this blog is to challenge or encourage you to let the light within you be your daily guide now, not sometime in the future.

To get into that light, it is a walk in the park, but not necessarily the way you may think, matter of fact traditional and critical thinking has to go out the window and lateral thinking becomes more of a daily exercise.

The Prerequisite.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel today, even though it is possible to be enclosed in a dark tunnel, in the worst situation as long as you can see that light and keep moving towards it, everything will be OK.

The light is your comfort in your darkest hour.

The prerequisite, is to know that light is in you, not someone else. Another person’s light will not give you the brightness you require to maneuver all the dark tunnels and rocky roads that you will have to walk through or over, to reach the full beauty of the park.

The natural is the tunnel with very little light, the supernatural is the glimmer of light that gets you through the tunnel out into the full beauty of the park. It may be a good idea to go to the post on Natural and Supernatural .

That is an expansion on the natural, which is the tunnel and the supernatural which is the fullness of the light without the confines of a dark tunnel. It is not necessary to wait until a person dies to see the light.

Teamwork.

Think for a moment the yoga teachers comment of the light within them, connecting with the light within you. There you have the makings of teamwork.

A team is more than one person, for the purpose of this post lets look at the family, a business and a sports club. The common denominator of all three is to be successful and be winners.

The light within one person connecting with the light within another person seems to be a stretch, in that there are so many differences in our world.

Actually, taking in the population of the world, seven and one half billion people, we are ninety-nine point nine per cent the same.

That gives us one tenth of one per cent opportunity to establish ourselves as unique as our DNA. It may be necessary to go to the supernatural to establish our own individuality.

To effectively function in a team, it is necessary to know ourselves.

In the family, the mother and father can know their role and not know themselves. The children rely on the parents. The children, as they get older will not be doing what parents told them, they are going to be doing what you did. That puts an added responsibility on parents to know themselves.

In a business there are managers, employees and customers, all are important, yet if the business does not make a profit it will not survive. The sustainer of the business is profit, yet it depends on managers, employees and customers and each being fair to the business. That puts a responsibility on all concerned to know themselves, to be fair to everyone.

The Sports Team is a group of players who no doubt have a purpose of winning a championship. Each player plays a position or have a responsibility and how each person performs in that position will affect all the other players. When each player know themselves, their contribution will be positive, even when a player is in a funk.

Closing Remarks.

More than we realize, we depend on others to tell us what to do, or on the other end of the pendulum we don’t want to listen to anyone. In both cases we end up being the losers, we have to depend on ourselves. If we depend on someone other than ourselves we lose, if we fight against someone we lose.

Depending on someone or something outside ourselves is considered positive, being against is negative. The key word here is not the negative or positive, its control. One controls positively the other negatively.

To truly know ourselves is to be neither for or against anyone.

There are five essential characteristics to having a successful, winning team. There are other things as well but this essential. They are value, belief, independent thinking, teamwork and care for others.

Value and belief is in yourself and allows you to be an independent thinker making you a valuable member of a team because you care for others.

It all centers on knowing yourself.

In my next series of posts, each of those five characteristics will be expanded on.

It is all about walking into the light, not later but now.

Any questions or comments are appreciated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Natural and Supernatural

Overview.

It is difficult to surmise the meaning of something from words alone. Words can be a very ineffective way of portraying a message. This is certainly so with natural and supernatural.

A word can have several different meanings, allowing the person liberty to express what has been said, according to their mindset. The listener also has to go through an interpretation of what is being said, again according to their mindset.

Every time a word is used it generates a picture in a person’s mind, it may be one of acceptance or one of rejection.

It is possible to determine something of value from what is said by anyone, if time is taken to reason out the meaning. Without reasoning, it is difficult to arrive at a reasonable conclusion.

It is either accepted or rejected, neither being of great value in arriving at a conclusion that is beneficial to the person. All that is looked for is an agreement with what is known, it is possible to miss something of great importance, following that train of thought.

In this post an attempt will be made to have a person reason out what has been said. When we reason things through it is possible to arrive at a meaningful conclusion.

The only true reality is what is experienced. We are shaped by life’s experience’s not by someone’s words. It is possible that a person’s words can give us guidance in life’s experiences and help maneuver a rough path with confidence, but true meaning comes from the experience.

The Word “Natural.”

Not really to prove a point but rather to expand on what was discussed in the overview. The word “natural” in Webster’s Dictionary has twenty-eight definitions as an adjective and nine definitions as a noun.

For the purpose of this post two definitions will be considered.

  1. Formulated by human reason alone, rather than by revelation.
  2. Being in a state of nature without spiritual enlightenment. 

It is so easy to discount revelation or spiritual enlightenment, yet one or the other are essential to so many experiences, that can give us a much greater insight into who we  are or what our purpose is, or both.

Human reason alone or being in a state of nature causes a person to rely on the five senses. All five senses are controlled by outside factors leaving us at the mercy of someone or something else. That bodes the question that many people at one time or another has asked. “Who am I?”

The Word “Supernatural.”

This word has three definitions as a noun in Webster’s Dictionary.

Of or relating to an order of existence beyond the visible, observable universe, is the definition we will use.

When we move out of the visible, observable we move away from the five senses and when that takes place it is open to all kinds of images, connotations and explanations that in most instances will endeavour to link or relate it to something known.

In many instances it will conjure up fear. It is fear of the unknown, and can have a tremendous negative control. Fear incapacities a person and that prevents a person from truly exploring the unknown, that has the potential to take us of the path of life

Another Approach.

“Supernatural” can be a compound of two words “super” and “natural.” This puts a whole new meaning on the word when you break it out.

“Natural,” we have covered.

“Super” has four definitions as an adjective, two definitions as a noun and two definitions as an adverb. With all those definitions the parameters can change tremendously.

The definition used in this post is, very large, powerful.

When we take this combination and apply it to a person the supernatural is basically, a very large or powerful person, not from a physical perspective but beyond the visible, observable universe.

Taking that into account, there is much more to a person than it is possible to see. In other words we are more than we think we are, that is the “you” process of this blog.

It is all about getting to know “YOU.”

Now The Supernatural.

We went into a lot of dialogue on words for a reason, the natural is what we would consider the norm and supernatural has many meanings. The dialogue on those words were for a reason, to prevent you from immediately formulating a mental picture in your mind.

When we go to supernatural, we could be talking about a Higher Power, God, Super Ego, Neuromodulator, it depends if we are coming from everyday lingo, religion, or science.

Everyday lingo usually uses higher power, organized religion has a name that centers around a higher being and science has the super ego if coming from a Freudian perspective and Neuromodulator if coming from science centered around the brain.

All of this is words, but the main thought is people have the capacity to be much more than they are, it is the Supernatural part of the human.

Now we are going to change the definitions of the natural that we looked at earlier. Human reason alone rather than by revelation is going to be changed to human reason aided by revelation. The state of nature without spiritual enlightenment is changed to the state of nature with spiritual enlightenment.

We need to consider in the first part revelation relates to the specific need of that particular individual, it is personal. Interpretation is by one person for the masses.  Revelation respects the individuality of the person, interpretation doesn’t.

The same applies to spiritual enlightenment, it enhances the person, allows a person to see more of who they are rather than waiting for someone to tell you who you are.

What Can I Expect From The Supernatural?

The supernatural side of a person is beyond the visible or observable. That is the part of us, the spiritual and revelation, that respects our individuality. It actually gives us our individuality.

We cannot gain any degree of individuality from someone else, not even from ourselves. 

We are able to experience the supernatural, it comes from the spirit by revelation, like we have said it is not visible or observable but is possible to experience. Your experiences are your truths.

The “Supernatural” is a powerful force if we choose to tap into it. It is a faith journey but it does bring us into a whole new realm.

One of the first arguments many will bring up, I don’t have faith. Think of this, the air we breath is not visible or observable but we do experience it. Take away that air for a short time and you quickly realize how important it is.

The Supernatural is the higher power and it respects the natural.  The natural is the lower power and does not respect the higher power. It makes an effort to have us believe that the supernatural has no power because it is not visible like in the natural realm.

Manifestations.

Most people at one time or another have experienced the supernatural or the higher power within themselves. It may be, it was put off as some weird experience or rationalized as something other than what it was.

When we choose to take that supernatural journey, the natural doesn’t disappear, we began to reason things out, ask questions of our supernatural self or our inner self. We are given answers and the experiences become more real and more often.

When I traveled the Camino, I had a number or very vivid encounters with my inner self or my supernatural, those encounters started before the Camino, it was because of the faith I had in my supernatural that allowed me to tackle the journey.

It is a growth period, old things pass away and all things become new. The reliance is on the supernatural to make those changes, the natural wants us to hang on to our five senses, that way we never move out of the realm of the known.

We all have an intellect within us that can take us way beyond where we are. Think of the known, where did it come from in the first place. We can learn the known or we can journey to new lands, that is our creative side.

Feel free to ask questions or make comments, I will endeavour to answer them.

Also, my other blog http://www.theyouprocess.com will explain in more detail the process of understanding you.

 

 

 

Into The Ditch

The Thought.

The first thing that may come to your mind, that is an interesting thought “into the ditch.”

It was an incident that happened on my Camino walk, it has a frightening and funny side to it and for me a valuable insight. I will give you the whole story later in this post, but first there are a few things to deal with, that impacts on the story.

Earlier in this blog, the post “My Camino Companions” I mentioned my companions that challenged, directed or encouraged me during my journey.

In the post “Reflections 2” I mentioned some of the books and what they meant to me in my journey of life. I did mention there was more than those books and people. My late wife, seven children and my present wife have had an amazing impact on my life’s journey.

My experiences with my family have given me an amazing amount of information about myself and has been a tremendous eye opener in what I was lacking as a father and a husband. There has been challenges and encouragements.

Another Companion.

On my Camino walk, the guide-book I used was John Brierley’s account of the French Way Camino, which he had walked many times. I guess you would say that was my main companion.

The book didn’t mean much to me, until I got on the Camino, then it became relevant. There was much that was not of interest to me, but there was important and relevant information for me as well.

The book was a great help, but what is important to understand “I had to walk the Camino” I had to experience it. No amount of reading John Brierley’s  book could take the place of the experience, it wasn’t meant to take away the experience, it was meant to enhance the experience.

My other companion on my life’s journey has been and is “The Bible.” Don’t shut me down or think that we are on the same page because I mention the Bible. The Bible creates a closed concept within a person’s mind. Some will have a great conviction for it and others will argue against it. It is the same with the word God, it has been so misused, it has become empty of meaning.

God is a Spirit and a Spirit is an energy force. That is the Super Ego that I mentioned in my last post.

The Bible is like John Brierley’s book. The difference, John Brierley’s book is giving direction for a physical journey. The Bible is giving direction for a spiritual journey. Both give things to look out for on your journey, but neither are relevant unless you are experiencing the journey. No amount of study or reading can take the place of the experience.

Stay With Me.

In my posts I will seldom mention the Bible or God, both are names and do an injustice to the direction and power that emanates from this source.

I could have read and learned everything about the Camino from John Brierley’s book, but the experience of walking the way, made it real. The same with the Bible I can learn everything in it but nothing can take the place of  walking the spiritual walk, that makes it real.

I will use it sparingly, because it is so much misused and misunderstood. I misused it myself, with great conviction as if I knew what the journey was about and really I had no idea. Oh yes, I was sincere, but I have found it is so easy to be sincerely wrong, if we don’t know ourselves.

I don’t read the Bible, I haven’t for the past fifteen years. I did study it, but have come to realize, it wasn’t that I didn’t know enough about the Bible, I knew too much, that in some ways was why it has taken me so long on this journey.

I had more faith in the book than the experience.

I could talk the walk but I couldn’t walk the walk.

It’s a whole new world when you walk the walk, and it’s exciting, the book takes on a whole new dimension. The understanding comes through revelation rather than interpretation. This method respects the individuality of each person.

Reasoning.

If you haven’t opted out and are still with me.

In the previous post I mentioned “lateral thinking.” That is solving problems using an indirect and creative approach via reasoning that is not immediately obvious. It involves ideas that may not be obtainable using only traditional step by step logic.

That my friend is how you are going to get to really know who you are. I have found that out the hard way, it doesn’t have to be the hard way. It is a choice we make. For me I ran into a brick wall, that is what it took for me to make a choice that put me on the right path.

I would like to think that possibly through some of my posts, you may see where you could also make a choice without hitting a brick wall. Hitting a brick wall is painful, believe me.

When you are asking your inner self a question, the answer may come in the most unexpected way or from the most unexpected person.

If you want to build a better mousetrap, how would you go about it? Your not going to look at the trap and copy it, you have to pull it apart, look for what is valuable to the trap as it is, then consider what you can add to it to make it a better mouse trap. You are reasoning through the process.

The same goes with everything and everyone around us, don’t have a closed mind. There may be people who know more than you, there may be people that are better than you.

But it is not about them it is about YOU. 

When you are looking at others, it’s possible to short change yourself or to put others down by you feeling superior.

Now, “Into The Ditch”

It was about two weeks into my Camino walk, the weather had been beautiful, apart from the second day crossing the Pyrenees.

This particular day there was thunder and lighting and a heavy downpour of rain, it rained for most of the day. It was the first day that I walked in the rain. I put on my rain gear and put a cape over myself and my backpack. I actually enjoyed walking in the rain and my rain gear did an amazing job, because I was as dry at the end of the day as at the beginning.

I had been walking with a friend for several days, we had parted company and I had journeyed on. That evening I got a message on “What’s App” from this friend. Several of us kept in touch with one another on what’s app. The message seemed as if the person was in distress.

She started out early in the morning before daylight in heavy rain. When the thunder and lightning started, the lightening was frightening for her and made her very uncomfortable to say the least. She was afraid of getting struck by lightening, so she got down in a ditch, and was so frightened that she was crying when another pilgrim came along and helped her up and accompanied her to the Auberge.

I called on what’s app, to see what the problem was. She told me how frightening it was for her, and it was I’m sure. When she told me about getting down in the ditch in the water, I found it sort of funny, I could picture her in this wet ditch. I didn’t let on, that I found it funny because I know it wasn’t funny for her, it may have been a wise thing to do at the time, since she was on the Meseta, which is mostly open ground.

Several days later, I met up with her, she told me as she was walking, to try to overcome the fear, she was singing hymns and reciting Bible verses.

That got me thinking and helped me realize how much I had depended on the Bible myself, not fully realizing the power of a spiritual walk. The talk and walk are so different. No amount of knowledge could give me the comfort I needed in difficult times. I did ask if I could use this story in a post and my intention was to title it “into the ditch,” she gave me the OK, I thank her for that.

Seeking Direction.

My daughter Kim, said to me awhile ago, almost every self-help book you read either directly or indirectly draws from the Bible. That is so true, sometimes it is veiled, other times it is not.

I respect the fact that some people don’t want to hear about God or the Bible. There are other people who run their life by it, I respect that as well. Both are right because it is the choice that has been made, all be it, different choices.

Knowing that choice brings consequence, and having weighed the pros and cons of their choice, both are happy I’m sure.

This blog is about my experiences on my Camino (journey of life), each person has different experiences. All of our experiences are meant to guide us to a fulfilled, happy and peaceful life.

On numerous occasions I’ve said “I don’t have the answer” that also being the title of the blog and my subtitle “but you do” is meant to encourage or challenge you, not from any direction you may feel I am giving.

I have no intention of giving direction, just relating some of my experiences and what impact it has had on my life. You may relate to something I experienced.

In my blog http://www.theyouprocess.com I have posts that compliment and in some instances may duplicate some of my thoughts on this site. What I am going to start doing after the next post in “The You Process” is explain what I have come to realize on this journey and how the process unfolded.

I will continue to expand on, how I see things now, in respect to love, family, peace, happiness, father. Much of it is different then I thought.

I have also come to realize who difficult change is. It is not something I embraced, but change did take place.

If you have any comments or questions, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

Next post: Natural and Supernatural.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Apology

I’m sorry that I have not posted for several months. I notice that people are either checking in or new people checking out the blog.

I am trying to understand the building of a website and how to improve my blog, for a person that is not technically inclined that is not the easiest of tasks. I have started another blog http://www.theyouprocess.com. It is on another platform and is doing somewhat better than I have been doing with this one.

However, for the time being I am going to continue with this platform and try to enhance the construction, if I’m not successful, I will move this blog to the other platform, but the posts will continue.

A few months ago, I tore the meniscus in my left knee, this took me out of commission for a couple of months. During that time I began learning the in’s and out’s of building a website and how to be more effective in blogging. That was the website and blog I was building while neglecting this one. Again, I’m sorry, to those who were following me.

However, my knee is mostly healed now. I’m back to a walking regiment of eight to ten kilometers per day and gradually increasing it. My plan was to do a Camino walk across Portugal this year and blog about it, relating to life’s experiences. That will be put off for this year. I will still go to Portugal, but not to walk. I will walk, but not across Portugal, that hopefully will be another time.

Life’s experiences change daily and sometimes hourly, no two days are identical. The most important thing, is to realize there is something new to learn everyday and we have to capitalize on each new experience in our growth as a person.

If you have read the posts on the backpacks, you realize, unknown to ourselves we are loaded down with an unnecessary load that causes us stress and as you know stress causes sickness.

I was amazed reading one day, about the effects of smoking. My father was a smoker and when he was stressed, he always said the smoking helped him relax. The article I was reading, found that from studies done, that smoking actually increased stress.

I got to thinking about those two opposing views, one from the study and the other from my fathers’ experience. They were conflicting, or were they? I realized that we all in one way or another operate with a stress load, for some it is heavier that others. It was like my backpack experience in my first backpack post, it wasn’t until the backpack was off, that I realized the load I was carrying.

I began to realize from those to different analysis, especially because, we as a people hate change because it takes us out of our comfort zone. Getting rid of that backpack of stress is not going to be an easy task.

It involves, first of all, stepping outside our comfort zone and secondly getting use to, what maybe, a completely different way of life. A better way because stress is gone, but nevertheless a different way or path.

I found out first hand, while walking the Camino, you had to have a confidence in yourself, to go where you have not gone before and with a different mode of travel. My mode of travel for any distance was always by car and if a long distance by aeroplane. For my Camino journey it was by foot, a much slower means of travel, but so rewarding.

This thought is what prompted me to set up this blog “I Don’t Have The Answer”  and the subtitle,But You Do.” 

Human nature is so prone to rely on someone or something other that ourselves for answers.

The purpose of this blog is to encourage or challenge or perhaps on times make you angry, but to rely on yourself rather than any other person. To have confidence in yourself, truly. 

I have said and will say again, I have no answers for you, neither does anyone else, but you do have the answers yourself.

In the past I have went to various conferences’ on self-help and found myself on various occasions, pumped, after listening to a motivational speaker. He or she motivated me, but a day or two later my high soon became a low, or I was back to the usual grind. I found I needed to have the motivational speaker with me, or buy a CD or tape and listen at various times to keep myself motivated. That was like putting a band-aid on a broken leg, I needed something more lasting, where I did not have to depend on an outside source.

I found it.

So can you.

Not depending on any person, other than yourself, you have to know yourself. If you are familiar with Robert Louis Stevenson’s book Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one would assume you were dealing with two different people, yet it was the same person. Mr. Hyde was the real person and Doctor Jekyll the front for Hyde.  One was the ego the other the alter ego, one in themselves.

But, we are dual persons rather than dual personalities.

Getting to know that other person, your super ego, is what is required.

We all have a different DNA.

I have a twin of daughters, they grew in the same womb and were born five minutes apart. That is as close as you can have two people alike and yet their DNA’s are different,  even their personalities are different. That is the uniqueness of our individuality.

When we desire to be our own person, and more and more people are desiring that.  We can automatically think that is easy. I mentioned earlier in this post about two things that would have to be dealt with in becoming your own person, stepping out of your comfort zone and maybe taking a somewhat different path. The first thought that may come to your mind is, I can do that.

It may not be as easy as one would think. The population of the world is over seven and one half billion people. There are different colors, cultures, languages and creeds yet we are ninety-nine point nine per cent the same.

That gives us one tenth of one per cent difference, from the remainder of the seven and one half billion people in the world.

That gives us little room to establish our TRUE uniqueness.

Maybe we do need a SUPER EGO.

It is easy to deceive ourselves and think we are something or someone we are not. To find out who we are, it will be necessary to take responsibility for ourselves. We have been given choice and every choice we make has a consequence. If we don’t like the consequence, then we can’t blame someone else.We have to take the blame for ourself.

That requires us to be more lateral thinkers rather than traditional or critical thinkers. A traditional thinker will think traditionally and with that type of thinking it is easy to blame someone else. A critical thinker will try and find what is wrong with the thought or statement and give an explanation for it, still not seeing oneself.

Lateral thinking is a manner of solving problems using an indirect and creative approach via reasoning that is not immediately obvious. (Wikipedia)

Now we have to step into a non traditional way of thinking. It means taking our eyes off the obvious and stepping into unknown territory.

We need help in that area, but we have all that is necessary to take us along that path or way. Some of my Camino experiences which I will expand on as I continue to post on this blog, are some of the experiences that helped me.

As I have said before you do not have to walk the Camino, or consider my experiences, that was for my benefit.

Each person’s experience is different. Reason them through and you will find the purpose that will help guide you to your destination.

I appreciate any thoughts, questions or comments so please let me know what you think.

My other blog http://www.theyouprocess.com has a number of posts if you would like to visit. I am going to explain in more detail the process of finding your TRUE self. There is a post entitled “The Process” which elaborates to a degree what is involved in that process.

Have a great day.

It is snowing outside today. Earlier this afternoon, I took a break from writing this post and went cross country skiing.  I had a five minute walk to a trail where I could began skiing.

There is nothing better than getting out and communing with nature.

Next post “Into the Ditch”